


Currents

by Meteorfallen



Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: M/M, mentions of / Angeal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-06-05 08:32:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6697507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meteorfallen/pseuds/Meteorfallen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zack has liked Cloud for a long time but has trouble trying to express it without overreaching. The day he finally overreaches all starts in front of the old makovision, where a typical situation leads to an atypical ending. What follows is the aftermath as they try hard to remain friends and come to terms that their relationship has always been something a little...'more' from the very beginning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Currents

 

                Cloud clutched the sheets under his palms, digging his nails in. His back arched slightly off the bed, and he let out a rattled breath through his clenched teeth. Above him a tanned and muscled frame knelt between his legs, slowly moving his hips back and then forward. One hand rested on Cloud’s trembling hip, and the other pressed against his pale – although now flushed cheek. Cloud closed his eyes.

                _Oh Gaia, we’re really…_

                He felt dizzy and disoriented, stressed and wound – and yet it felt like he was coming undone. He’d never known these sensations and didn’t know what to do with them – what he should be doing. Was he supposed to move somehow – where should his hands be – should he say something?

                _What if I’m doing it all wrong? I can’t tell… Everything’s suddenly out of focus – I’m afraid to open my eyes. I don’t – I can’t think straight._

“Cloud?”

                That voice – one he’d grown familiar with – caused him to shudder and frown. The motions never ceased and Cloud almost wished they would – it would be easier to hear his own thoughts again.

.

..x.X.x..

.

                “I want it.”

                Cloud’s careless words – spoken out of an envious thought – caused his eyes to widen in alarm as he watched First Class SOLDIER Zack Fair turn away from the makovision with raised brows. Flustered, Cloud took his seat by him in the floor on his pillow. He was going to try to make up some sort of lie, but Zack glanced back at the screen curiously.

                “What? To be SOLDIER?”

                A SOLDIER propaganda commercial was showing. It showed a handful of Thirds and Seconds doing a series of complex sword slashes together – then each of them came forward one by one and slayed different sorts of monsters in one hit. While each one was stepping forward after the last, Cloud looked down into his mug of cocoa.

                “I know you do. You’ll get there, in time.”

                Feeling peevish at himself for having spoken out before, Cloud glanced back at the screen and watched as a Second stepped up. His body moved easily inside the SOLDIER gear, and Cloud studied him as he effortlessly cleaved some sort of plant creature apart.

                “I want to be…SOLDIER, but I also…want that.”

                Zack sucked the last of his cocoa down, inquiringly looking at the screen. His deep indigo eyes – how did the treatments to make SOLDIERs even make them so bright – considered what he saw on the truthfully grainy quality broadcast – or maybe it was his own makovision since it was an older module? Cloud wondered why he hadn’t gotten a better one for the hundredth time.

                “Hm? What…? The uniform? You can wear mine if you want.”

                He gave Cloud his warm smile as he tugged at the neck of his shirt. “You don’t even have to ask – just make sure not to wander off with it for me, okay? I don’t want anyone getting any ideas that you mugged some poor smuck.”

                Still staring at the screen, Cloud hesitated before answering – choosing to ignore explaining how _impossible_ it would be for him to mug a SOLDIER, let alone scolding Zack for offering his prided uniform to a mere grunt in the army.

                “Not…that either.”

                Zack gave him a playfully baffled look, taking a moment to study him and watching as Cloud brightened unexpectedly. Turning, he saw who’d stepped into the program and had to resist rolling his eyes. Sephiroth looked as if he had been hanging back with his arms casually crossed, just outside of the reel. Only when a dragon appeared did he seem to glare and take notice.

                Zack could have explained the real reason Sephiroth hadn’t been participating in the shot was because he only allowed screen time for the company once per year – ‘news coverage always finds a way to film me as it is’ – or something like that, and he really had been annoyed because where the dragon stood an angry director was edited out after trying to get him to do something. The dragon was just a hologram, but since Cloud had sworn he’d seen dragons before he probably realized that.

                Another look made Zack conclude it was all a moot point anyway. A seven headed dragon could have been eating the SOLDIERs and Cloud still would have barely spared it a glance – his eyes were trained on his idol. It was a depressing sight, more so as he watched Cloud’s bright blue eyes – geez if he ever became enhanced he could use them as headlights – slowly scan every detail he could of Sephiroth’s body.

                “Makes a guy hella jealous and lonely, to be honest…”

                His mutter went only briefly noticed, because Cloud distractedly asked, “What?”

                “Nothing.”

                Cloud didn’t call him on it, still lost in his observation of his idol’s shoulders and how they moved when he summoned his legendary blade Masamune – Cloud always forgot to ask Zack how he did that and if all SOLDIER Firsts could do it – and lift the blade’s extended point from the neutral position.

                “Ah,” Zack said – finally realizing what Cloud meant as longing filled his face as he gazed at Sephiroth’s chest. His eyes – which always sought Cloud when the blonde wasn’t looking – looked him over leisurely now. His body was still trying to transition into adulthood – Cloud’s chest would still grow, and his muscles needed a little more time before all the training started making them compacted. His abs showed now – but he doubted Cloud appreciated how far he’d come when he looked at the screen.

                “You’ll get there someday too, kiddo.” 

                Cloud came out of his daze, blinking and looking over at him – clearly forgetting he was there – _ouch_ – or at the very least what they were talking about.

                “You want a body like that, right?”

                Blushing – gods it was so easy to make him do and so freakin’ adorable – Cloud adjusted himself subconsciously. He looked down as Sephiroth flexed his sword and the dragon simply ‘dissolved.’ It was for the best – it would have confused Cloud to no end as the smart kid knew that wasn’t how dragons vanished.

                “Yes… A body big enough to hold my pride.”

                Zack laughed out loud at that.

                “You’d be a giant then, Spikey!”

                Cloud looked at him, wounded.

                “You don’t understand.”

                Smiling – even annoyed Cloud was damn cute – he tilted his head to the side – over exaggerating it a tiny bit to get the small quirk of the blonde’s lips he loved – ah, there it was.

                “You wouldn’t understand, Zack. You’ve always had a great body to begin with.”

                Gods, Zack wished Cloud wouldn’t say something he meant innocently so intensely. He worried it would drive him nuts – or make him overreach again.

                Cloud watched Zack scratch his cheek – where he was scarred – before he answered. “Well, not always. I mean I was fit – too active for my own good is a good description… But I was short once too, y’know.”

                Cloud couldn’t hide his skepticism, which made Zack snort.

                “You don’t believe me!? Seriously. When I first came to Shinra I was barely fifteen – probably wasn’t taller than five’five without standing straight.”

                Resisting a sigh, Cloud insisted, “That’s how tall I am _now_ , and I’m… I’ve been here for several months now.”               

                Zack thought of mentioning the fact Cloud was only fifteen now – about how he’d lied and joined when he was fourteen – but was well aware Cloud knew all about his own secret.

                “Don’t be disheartened. It just takes some time, alright? I didn’t sprout up overnight – but I wanted to as badly as you do.”

                “Uh-huh.”

                Wryly amused as he watched Cloud take a drink, he grew slightly distracted watching his pale throat swallow. Shaking himself slightly and looking into his empty mug, he said, “I’m not lying… My mentor is – was –” he could almost mention him without wincing, and tried to amiably move onward when Cloud turned to him and frowned. Sweet kid understood better than most people that he couldn’t talk easily about it – any of it.

                “…he was six’three. _Six’three_ Cloud, and had these big broad shoulders and amazing arm and leg muscles… He looked like he could ram a door right off its hinges – which I assure you he could, in fact, do. He even had fascial hair – _fascial hair,_ Cloud. SOLDIERs can rarely grow it along their bodies, never mind on their face. He was so romantically manly I was surprised I didn’t turn green with envy and grow from photosynthesis.”

                He wanted to mention how kind Angeal was, how loving and gentle he could be – a gentle giant – how protective he could be about the silliest and funniest things, and how he’d lay down his life to protect those immeasurable morals of his. How his shoulders held straight despite the weight and burden of his honor – how…

                Cloud’s light touch on his bicep made him start, and he looked over to see Cloud’s eyes filled with sadness – sadness for his sake. “I believe you, Zack. I do.” Wincing as he realized he must have simply zoned out and stopped talking he attempted to shake it off, grinning around closed eyes.

                “Sure you do! Would I lie to you?”

                Cloud’s hand lingered longer than it needed to, but neither of them wanted it to move. When it did, Zack tried to get the ball rolling again. They needed to find something else to talk about to get rid of the lump in his throat, and to make Cloud happy again.

                Cloud surprised him by holding out his mug. “You want to share?” Zack took the offering immediately, taking the cup and a long drink, sighing contently afterward. He was surprised when he glanced at Cloud he looked baffled slightly.

                “What?”

                “Ah, I meant…” His eyes shifted down to Zack’s own cup. Eyes widening in realization – shit he meant _poor some into your own cup_ – Zack froze, unsure what to do next. _I overreached again…_

                Cloud stretched over, choosing to chastise. “I said share, not keep – you’re such a dork.” With him reaching over and Cloud’s forehead almost to his chin, Zack grabbed his shoulder.

                “Zack?”

                Looking up, Cloud caught the obviously conflicted expression on Zack’s face. It made his face feel warm – made him unsure of what he should be feeling from it – and when Zack opened his mouth Cloud could smell the cocoa of his breath and shivered, confused as to _why._

                Then Zack gave Cloud a noogie. Grunting at the feeling of a hand ruffling his hair, he squawked and twisted to grab Zack’s shoulder and push him backward. Only the turn made him slip down the pillow and he fell, taking Zack down with him to his hip, now crouched over Cloud and _far_ too close to his face.

                The thing to do was to laugh, continue the noogie, and then get back up like nothing had happened. They could discuss the crappy commercial – or maybe even the show – Zack didn’t even know what Cloud had been watching.

                Cloud opened his mouth to apologize but the words refused to come out. He wanted to move Zack, but his hand stayed curiously resting at his side with the other slung across his stomach. Beside his head the mug warmed the top part of his ear.

                Zack yelled at himself even as he moved down and pressed his lips against Cloud’s, watching as bright blue eyes opened in shock. He told himself no – _no no no_ – but he couldn’t resist. Cloud underneath him, looking up at him with an open mouth… He stuck his tongue in and watched and felt as Cloud twitched under him, eyes opened in alarm now.

                Cloud felt lips against his own. Then something wet and sweet touched his tongue, prodded it – and before he knew what it was – _it had to be Zack’s tongue, it had to be his_ – Cloud felt it spoon him. Lips pressed more firmly than ever and he gripped his shirt and the floor, unable to stop staring up into Zack’s eyes. They were too bright – too firm – and too scared to have been continuing this.

                When Zack pulled back it was only to leave them a breath apart. Cloud couldn’t move. They couldn’t have done that with each other. It was – it wasn’t acceptable, and he was a grunt and Zack was a SOLDIER – they were both men!

                Zack watched terror seize Cloud’s expression – watched as he opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. _What did you do!? Zack, dammit! You swore you wouldn’t kiss him again. Get off him before he starts to cry._

Cloud reached up and yanked Zack back down when he tried to move away, suspended in disbelief at his own actions just as much as Zack was.

                Countless thoughts and worries clouded through Zack’s mind, but he only wanted to think about just one kind of cloud from now on. Throwing off his insecurities, he kissed Cloud how’d he’d been dying to – leaving the poor kid gasping and fighting for breath Zack wasn’t prepared to give him – _don’t tell me to stop now. Not now._

Cloud wasn’t aware of how long they kissed, or when Zack’s mouth worked its way to his neck. He didn’t know when Zack went down his body, and didn’t realize how this was affecting him until he felt Zack’s hand cup – Cloud almost gasped himself back to reality, but not quite – because surely Zack wouldn’t be removing his worn Shinra issued grunt’s belt and unzipping his pants. The Zack he knew didn’t marvel at his body like that – and he knew he certainly didn’t get harder under that gaze.

                Zack almost sobbed when he took Cloud into his mouth. The kid was propped up on his elbows, dazed with bruised lips. He looked so shell-shocked Zack wasn’t sure if what he was doing was consensual or not – not until Cloud gasped like that and laid back, clutching his shirt and the rough carpet underneath him. Zack made himself suck steadily – tried to draw it out for as long as he could – knowing Cloud wouldn’t last by the way he trembled.

                Unless there was something Cloud wasn’t telling him – _which he prayed to all the gods he knew every day that Cloud wouldn’t get victimized because of his looks –_ Cloud had never had something like this happen to him before. His brain fired off reasons why this was wrong – _fifteen, Zack. He’s fifteen, quit it!_ – _you weren’t older than him your first time but it had been with a woman!_ – but his logical thoughts couldn’t compete with his very real emotional fulfillment doing this, and the undeniable physical gain he was getting.

                Cloud shivered, bucked, writhed – as self-restrained as he could manage. _I’m getting… Zack is… By Zack I’m getting… It feels… Zack…_ The muffled moan he gave was his only noise as he came, shoving his hands over his mouth and arching into Zack’s mouth. Zack held him steady and felt every tremor beneath his hands as Cloud gave it his all. When he finally stopped orgasming and ridding the aftershocks of his first one caused by someone else – _gods he’d better know what just happened_ – Zack slowly let him slide out of his throat and sat up.

                Cloud had his eyes closed and hid behind his palms, still shaky from cumming. He couldn’t get Zack’s face out of his mind – couldn’t even believe he’d done it in the first place. When a hand touched the side of his chin he flinched – felt the hand hover unsurely before withdrawing. He felt the mug move moments later, and Zack moved too.

                Unsurely, he moved his hands and saw Zack walk into the kitchen. He sat up on his elbows, slowly moving to put himself away and zip his pants back on. He didn’t have the right parts – but if Zack went further… He had an idea of how’d he do it.

                _Would I let him? It has to be possible… Could I stop him? If I struggled – would he… He’s so strong that it would be easy… I can’t imagine myself fighting Zack. If he tried to, would I just lay there? What does he want…? Why me?_

He’d moved to his hip with his legs bent at his side when Zack came back in. His movements were slower than normal when he sat down. Wordlessly he held out a mug and Cloud took it – noticing it was Zack’s – and held it in his hands. The warmth reminded him this was all very much _real._

“I’m sorry.”

                Cloud couldn’t answer, just stare at the screen and see nothing.

                “I should have asked you, first…”

                Cloud looked at him then. _He’s not sorry he did it – kissed me and…_ Zack wouldn’t look at him. He stared down into his mug and didn’t say anything else. Cloud couldn’t help but wonder if Zack knew he had Cloud’s. The thought made him want to laugh and he knew he was losing it.

                “I think I should go.”

                Zack didn’t react. Cloud wanted to reach over and slap the mug aside – make Zack _look_ at him after that – but his eyes saw something that made him freeze. Sitting down, it became obvious the SOLDIER was hard. Cloud felt another irrational flash of fear at the thought Zack would want him to take care of it, but the SOLDIER made no such suggestion.

                Voice firmer than before, Cloud said, “I should go.”

                Zack rubbed his thumb over the edge of the mug – at the chip Cloud normally chose to drink from. His voice sounded odd when he said, “Okay.”

                Cloud sat his mug down and got up. He was about to walk past when Zack caught him. He flinched, but stayed still as he watched Zack set the mug down and without looking – reach up and fasten the belt. The moment he pulled on it to tighten it, Cloud was tugged forward and they both froze. Then, the action resumed until the belt was how it should be – how it should have stayed. Cloud watched Zack take his mug and resume holding it.

                “You shouldn’t go out without it on properly.” Cloud could only reason it was meant to be some sort of answer, though it didn’t answer anything at all. He moved to the door and put his muffler on to hide inside of, and grabbed his book bag. He was about to leave but his hand hesitated over the doorknob. Finally he got angry and spun, shouting, “Why!?”

                Zack grimaced, but finally dared to look up at Cloud. His dear friend looked scared – confused – lonely – mad – all sorts of things that knotted Zack’s stomach. Even so, Zack’s indigo eyes refused to look away from Cloud’s.

                “You know why,” his voice was much softer than his gaze.

                “No I don’t!”

                Licking his suddenly dry lips – he could still taste the sweetness Cloud carried – he stared at Cloud long and hard. Only when Cloud looked like he might turn away and leave did he answer.

                “If you don’t…know… Then I made a mistake after all.”

                Cloud froze – expression lost and out of his depth. He opened his mouth with a retort, closed it, and tried it all over again only to get the same answer. Finally he looked away and left wordlessly. Zack wondered how he could feel so cold when the mug was so warm against his touch. He knew, though.

Cloud had left.

                With a giant sigh, Zack closed his eyes as he tilted his head back. The makovision droning in the back of his mind sounded hundreds of miles away.

                “Angeal, look at what I’ve done… I really miss and need you, man.”


	2. Currents II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud and Zack are trying. It’s been a while since that night in Zack’s apartment, and both of them are going through the motions associated with it. It isn’t always easy admitting the obvious – more often than not it can be near impossible… But, they’re trying.

                Cloud had his back pressed against the mattress, hands hooked under the back of his knees. He moaned, watching him go down on him. It felt and seemed so unrealistic – but the noises, the feelings coursing through his body – and the looks he kept getting readily reminded him this was really happening. He gasped, shaking as a hand cupped him from underneath.

                He couldn’t handle this – it would kill him. He let his legs go and sat up, making his partner stop to stare curiously before understanding lit his eyes. He moved and let Cloud cling to him, dig his fingers into his back.

                “I’m ready.”

.

..x.X.x..

.

                Cloud’s legs were shaking against his will, and his fingers were buried in Zack’s unruly black spikes. He had his bottom lip between his teeth and was about to draw blood.

                “Easy there, Spike. That’s enough.”

                “No,” he’d come this far. They weren’t going to quit yet. He moved his hands further apart, clutching desperately at Zack’s shoulders. With uneasy legs, he took a deep breath and tried to knee Zack in the back leg. His leg moved slightly, but he didn’t tumble down.

                “Son of a-”

                Zack laughed, enjoying Cloud hanging off him as he tried to send him flying flat onto his face. He’d been at it for at least over an hour so far – Zack had taught him numerous useful and real life ways to knock someone down but wasn’t willing to give Cloud an inch. Spike probably thought he was being an ass, but Zack knew what he was doing – from personal experience.

                Cloud let go to glare hatefully, and Zack had to try heroically to stop laughing. “Okay, kiddo, charge me and do the arm-twist ankle-press one I showed you.”

                “You don’t even have a name for it. You’re just making this all up.”

                Unable to help it, he finally laughed heartily.

                “No, no I’m not, honestly! As for a name…? If it has one, I just don’t know it – or I’ve forgotten. But it does work – and you’re agile enough to do it. Come on now, no giving up!”

                With a furious expression, Cloud lunged forward and grabbed Zack’s wrist as he stepped behind him. Twisting it with great anger, he had it locked straight backward and attempted to simultaneously wrench it as he flipped Zack over his shoulder while his right foot slammed into the inside of Zack’s boot to tip him off balance.

                Zack stumbled alright, _but refused to flip._

“Yeowtch, Spikey. You almost pulled my arm out of my socket – good job!” Cloud gave his arm another wrench before letting go, sighing as he wiped sweat from his brow.

                “What’s the point of teaching me all of these if you don’t prove they can work?”

                Patting his head – knowing it pissed Cloud off and still doing it – he grinned. “Trust me, if you manage to flip _me_ down imagine what you could do to those troopers in your class, eh?”

                Cloud seemed to understand the logic in that because he frowned, forgetting for a few moments that Zack was still patting his head like a child. Finally, he irritably swatted Zack away as the man chuckled, hands held up in surrender.

                “Want to try again Spikey?”

                _Just what are you playing at, Zack?_

                “Give me a moment to catch my breath…”

                Cloud didn’t know what to make of him. Ever since That Time in the apartment two weeks ago, they’d rarely seen each other from missions – though Zack may have just been avoiding him… And now that they were hanging out again Zack had been…

                “Spike? Want to grab a burger of somethin’ after this? My treat.”

                …He’d been treating him like the first time they’d met, when Cloud was fourteen and overwhelmed being around strangers, in a new place, and having to adjust to the way people spoke. He’d stuck out like a sore thumb – and now that time had passed he’d really understood why Zack had sort of adopted him. It was a miracle he hadn’t ended up mugged if not dead in The Slums with how naïve he’d been.

                “…sure.”

                It was as if That Time in the apartment never happened…but it _had._ Cloud still remembered it – how could he not? He dreamt about it too. He couldn’t escape it even in the silence of his bunk. Maybe it was better this way – they could chalk it up to a moment of insanity, misjudgment even – and try to just move on like it never occurred…

                But now that time had passed, Cloud wasn’t sure he could. Even being like this… It felt unfulfilled. He wanted more from this – if nothing else than closure. Zack had told him he knew why he’d done it, and Cloud was afraid to admit he _thought_ he knew maybe at least two reasons why – but only one made sense…and he had a feeling Zack would get angry… Because it wasn’t a very Zack thing at all.

                “Did you…”

                Zack turned to him, caught off guard.

                “What was that Chocobo? I didn’t hear you.”

                Freezing, Cloud mentally cursed. It had been a careless remark that had started all of this in the first place. Turning away, he said, “Nothing. Just mumbling to myself.”

                “Oh… Alright then. Ready to go at it again, kid?”

                Cloud couldn’t help but wince. _Kid? Seriously? Is he…doing this on purpose? I don’t understand what you’re thinking right now Zack…_

“Um, hey…”

                “Yesss?”

                Without turning around, Cloud surveyed the room to make sure they were still alone. Then quietly, Cloud decided to just ask and get it out of his system. If they’d been able to keep being friends after That Time, then what he was going to ask would hopefully blow over too, if Zack denied it or plainly reacted badly to it.

                “You were sad at that…time weren’t you?”

                He’d expected a ‘huh?’ and confusion, but as the silence stretched he realized Zack had been thinking about it too and unlike him, hadn’t needed prompting.

                “…No, I wasn’t. You want to talk about this somewhere…else?”

                Cloud shook his head – _if I don’t say it here I’ll lose my nerve…_

“Are you sure? Cause I’d…understand.” He wouldn’t like it at all, but he’d get it. “He got brought up by accident and I know that… It hurts to mention him.” Cloud had learned quickly that Zack’s mentor shouldn’t be mentioned by name after watching the flinches of emotion pang his face before. “They say it’s normal…to want a distraction from pain. So if…”

                He trailed off when he heard Zack’s booted feet coming up behind him. He hadn’t imagined Zack might hit him but didn’t try to cover himself or turn around – if he’d made Zack that angry he deserved it.

                Only to his shock and confusion, he felt Zack’s arms sling around his body. His voice was tight and low, but Zack came through loud and clear. “You are not and won’t ever be a distraction, Cloud.” Zack took a deep breath after he said it and then tensely let it out before letting go and turning away – far quicker than he’d ever had before. For something that had been so intimate Cloud felt shell-shocked to feel it torn away.

                Without his consent his hand moved to grab Zack’s wrist. As he was already behind him he struck with speed and adrenaline, using the earlier move to somehow make Zack end up lying on his back. He looked wide-eyed and astonished – Cloud felt much the same. He stood above him, looking down, expression blank.

                What Zack did next dazed him. Instead of laughing – or possibly getting angry – his eyes misted with tears and he gave such a weakly broken smile Cloud felt his chest ache instantly at the sight. “So this is how you felt, huh?” His voice was odd and even though it appeared he was looking up into Cloud’s eyes – there was little doubt in the grunt’s mind Zack wasn’t speaking to him at all anymore. Cloud hated seeing Zack’s expression like this at once – there was something familiar in that distant gaze he knew way too well.

                The SOLDIER looked like Cloud had when he was a kid, crying and staring into the one mirror their house had. He’d been upset to have been so distanced from everyone – so angry they wouldn’t give him a chance – that they _wouldn’t let him in._

                Before he knew what he was doing he dropped to his knees beside Zack and clutched his shoulders, burying his face into Zack’s shirt because – because _Zack shouldn’t look like that._

Zack came out of his sadness slowly but surely, and then wound his arms around Cloud and breathed in deeply, tensely letting it out. Cloud dug his hands in, eyes closed as he tried to ignore not only his racing heart, but the one against his forehead. This was something they shouldn’t be doing – but it had felt like the right thing to do… It still did.

                When Zack sat up, it put Cloud between his legs, and by accident or purpose it put their foreheads together. As neither moved away, Cloud found himself softly asking, “Zack…? Are you okay now?”

                A few beats, then Zack answered with harsh honesty. “No, no I’m not, but… I’m better now. I’m good.” He patted Cloud’s back as a signal to disengage, but it went neglected by both of them. In the end, it settled on rubbing up and down his back – not suggestively, but more of a means of comfort. Cloud wasn’t entirely sure it wasn’t for Zack’s benefit. Time continued to go by, and Cloud knew the _smart_ thing to do was to get some distance before someone walked in on them but… Zack was probably ‘dumb’ because he’d been dropped, while Cloud…wished he had some sort of excuse he could play on.

                “Hey, Cloudy?”

                Knowing that nickname was an improvement to what he’d been called earlier, he said, “Yes?” Zack’s hands were roving as he swallowed. “Do you just want to call it day? We can go back to my apartment and order something…”

                Cloud tensed though not firmly. They’d been hanging out but hadn’t yet gone back their together. Cloud took a moment to calm his nerves before he answered. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

                Zack’s lips touched Cloud’s brow when he spoke – both acting like it was nothing. When it really, really, was. “Just hanging out,” he clarified. “I…promise.” A promise from Zack was a signature of gold, but still, Cloud knew they really couldn’t – not yet. Not when…whatever this was still filled the air around them like electricity.

                “I need to hit the showers, and study for my exam at the end of the week… You have a mission you need to prepare for – you mentioned it earlier.”

                “We still have a few hours before either of us have to clock out. You can trust me Cloud.” Zack sounded so guilty saying those words that Cloud grimaced.

                “That’s not it.” _We might do something stupid, Zack. We were just getting past this – pretending nothing was weird – so we just can’t._

Despite his thoughts his words had a mind of their own. “I trust you Zack… I – I don’t understand this, but I still trust you.” He wished he didn’t sounded so winded – it had an excuse but still he sounded just like That –

                “Okay.”

                Zack sounded…off too. They both got up, turning away from each other but partially – as if they knew they definitely should but couldn’t quite manage it. Zack ran a hand over the nape of his neck, blew out a loud breath, and then put his hands on his sides. He cut through the ice with a hardy laugh – it was fake, but he was _trying_.

                “Alright then, we should mosey.”

                Nodding stiffly, Cloud tried to move past it too. They had moments like this – some before That Time – but now they weighed more. Cloud wondered how his chest could feel so heavy from emotions – couldn’t understand it even. Still, until he could deal with this on his own time again, they needed to get away from each other.

                Heading to the doors, as they stood in the parted doorway Zack’s hand grabbed his arm. Cloud paused, wary and uncertain as Zack’s mouth moved to his ear.

                “You did great, Cloud. That was wonderful – caught me completely off guard.”

                It took him a moment before he realized Zack meant the take-down.

                “Oh… Thanks.”

                Looking around, indigo eyes settled on his shoulder as he spoke – as if trying to not burden him with the gravity of his stare.

                “Can we meet up sometime this weekend? I miss hanging out with you.”

                There wasn’t a pause or hint of motive – Zack just sounded genuinely…genuine. Taking a deep breath and holding it for a few second because _wow, Zack’s breath on the shell of his ear –_ he let it out.

                “Alright. Sometime…Saturday good?”

                Looking relieved, Zack nodded – too quickly.

                “Saturday evening is perfect.”

                His eyes must have betrayed him because Zack hurriedly added, “Not too late, of course… After five is all good.”

                Relaxing, he opened his mouth and found he didn’t have anything to say. Zack seemed the same – at least unwilling to put anything into words. They were about to pull apart when Zack’s hand tightened on his arm. He looked uneasy for a moment, but then blew out an anxious breath – this time Zack met his gaze.

                “Cloud I still don’t regret it. I don’t want to leave things on a weird note and I won’t do anything else – but I… I wanted you to know that, at least. I want you to understand – that’s all.”

                Cloud had been waiting for this – waiting to rebuke the feelings and waiting to say he’d rather they never say anything about it again. He would have too – would have this morning, would have an hour ago – but now? Now they’d shared something else that looked like comfort but had been far too…weighted to be anything else but intimate.

                Zack didn’t wait for a response – probably hadn’t been expecting one. He patted his arm in an almost consoling manner except for the way his fingers drifted before letting go. Cloud knew Zack had just promised not to do anything and couldn’t help but wonder if he was even aware of the subtle things that he did – they were _so telling_ – but until recently – until That Time – Cloud hadn’t been sure…

                As Zack was leaving, Cloud spoke up – louder than he needed to. “I’m getting there, Zack.” His voice grew weak at the end, and he expected Zack to turn around but he only nodded as he walked off.

                “I know, Cloud. I know.”

                At least…Zack was back to using his name again. Though if his name was only going to be used in these tense moments when they felt like they were too close but not close enough, he couldn’t help but wonder if it was better that Zack never said it…


	3. Currents III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time endures to move forward, and Cloud is learning how to stay friends as the strange moments continue to grow. But, he’s not the only one growing – time is finally showing signs of opening up the shadowed mysterious of Zack’s past – and who would have thought all he’d learn from simply bringing up Zack’s junk makovision?

 

                Why did it have to be so intense? Cloud felt like he was breaking apart – not by pain, but breaking all the same. As he clutched in desperation and felt the pit in his pelvis ready to erupt, he arched against his chest, raising off the bed and moaning now that he couldn’t cover his mouth.

                It felt so good and all he could think about was why this couldn’t have happened sooner? But he knew the answer to that – they hadn’t been ready. They wouldn’t have ever been…if he hadn’t finally just killed that monster.

.

..x.X.x..

.

                It had been over three months since That Time, and Cloud slugged Zack’s shoulder – making him squawk and drop his controller. The cry he released could have given old horror movie women a run for all their Gil.

                “ _SPIKE!_ ”

                While Zack leapt to retrieve it, Cloud mercilessly decapitated Zack’s cactar avatar – he guessed it was technically a decapitation, the graphics were grainy – with his chocobo’s sharp talons. Flinging down the controller and raising his fists in victory as Zack picked his up, Cloud seethed, “YES.”

                “My baby!” Zack dropped his controller to move forward and shake the makovision set, expression one of absolute horror at the blob on the screen belonging to his fighter.

                “How could you Cloud!? How!”

                “Look,” he spat, “I just watched my chocobo die three times – all painfully slow deaths from your stupid and prickly finishing move. It was justified.” _Besides, you made me be a chocobo._

Zack bemoaned about his legacy for so long that Cloud rolled his eyes and got up and went to the kitchen. He came back with a set of root beers – no way was Zack getting an actual beer when the overprotective man wouldn’t let him have one of his own – and sat back down on his pillow seat.

                Zack shut up long enough to enjoy his drink, humming in contentment as he easily forgot his ‘legacy’ had just been murdered. While he was distracted, Cloud looked at the screen with a pensive expression.

                “You know, I’ve always meant to ask.”

                Seeing as he’d caught Zack’s attention, he gestured toward the makovision. It seemed like an easy way to distract Zack and give his hands a break from playing before they started again.

                “What, the game?”

                “No – your makovision. It’s kind of busted up and outdated – haven’t you ever thought about getting a new one?”

                Zack paused, expression not changing – which was actually a worrying sign coming from Zack – before he shrugged and noncommittedly said, “Do you think I should get a new one?”

                Cloud frowned – Zack didn’t sound any different, but his reply had almost seemed _pointedly_ careless. Gently tapping his can of soda, Cloud decided to keep going.

                “Well, it’s just that even us grunts have a better one than this one. Not by much – its smaller but the picture is a bit better. You like watching makovision, and you’ve got a few fun games so you like playing them too, don’t you?”

                Zack looked at him with the oddest expression. Cloud wiped at his mouth self-consciously, wondering where his eccentric friend had gone. He didn’t know what was so weird about what he was saying – it was just idle chatter, wasn’t it?

                Zack finally smiled gently, flipping the tab of his drink back and forth. He seemed preoccupied, but the distance that Cloud normally felt when he saw that gaze wasn’t there. It hadn’t been in a while.

                “I said almost the exact same thing to Angeal once.”

                Cloud almost up-chucked his drink before schooling his expression – if Zack noticed he didn’t comment. He still had that small smile on his face as he gazed at the busted controllers. Swallowing, Cloud hesitated for a moment – this was the first time Zack had mentioned his mentor by name in…in as long as he’d been gone – which Cloud believed was for at least two years now.

                “You did…?”

                Zack paused, stared at the blurry screen, and then smiled a little warmer.

                “Yeah… Back then, this one wasn’t so outdated. When we had free time – or I guess ‘chill time’ as Angeal called it when we rested our muscles so they wouldn’t get overworked, we’d come up to his place and sit in front of this clunky thing for a while. Angeal grew up poor – so poor he never had one of these. Even though the controls are easy to use I used to bust a gut watching him try to figure this one out.”

                He leant over to rub a particular bad dent on the top right. “Angeal could make flowers and plants grow, and he could operate machines of war – could judge a person’s worth normally just by looking at them… But this old dinosaur fought him at every turn. He did this one when I was babbling at him – he got distracted and smacked it a little too hard – ‘cause that’s how he used to fix it when it went batshit. Gods, I laughed so hard I cried. He smacked the damn thing just as the picture came back and a woman screamed loudly on the program – _gods_ , Angeal looked as horrified as if he’d actually struck a woman.”

                The memory didn’t seem to be a painful one – in fact Zack seemed incredibly fond of it. Cloud hadn’t thought he had any memories of his mentor that didn’t leave him feeling upset. Smiling softly, Cloud asked, “Really? It’s hard to imagine a First being so…”

                “Hilarious? You know me, don’t you? Haah… Needless to say Angeal tossed me at the thing for a while after that happened. I only knew how to fix the thing because I broke one as a kid and my dad and me opened it up to put it back together – but well, we found out where the pieces went but uh, I wasn’t called a walking train wreck for nothin’.”

                Cloud laughed as Zack blushed at the memory. It was rare the SOLDIER let himself drift off into his memory – he always tried to keep moving forward no matter what… It seemed to be doing a lot of good for him to look back.

                “What about your dad, Cloud? I haven’t heard you ever mention him.”

                “He’s dead.” It was an automatic response, but seeing Zack’s gaze widen in alarm he hurriedly said, “Don’t apologize for it – I got that enough from my mom when I was a kid… He died in the army, actually – before I met him. I can’t miss him since I don’t know him, so you don’t have to walk on eggshells about it.”

                “He did?”

                “Mm. He got my mom pregnant and left her in Nibelheim. He was going to get enough Gil to move her to Midgar or come back home if army life didn’t suit him – but didn’t make it back. It’s sad, I know, but I’m not hung up over ‘what could have been.’ My mom did enough of that in the beginning of my life for all of us.”

                “Geez, insert foot into mouth over here.”

                Soothingly, Cloud said, “It’s really fine Zack. Honest. Though speaking of dads here – I don’t remember you ever speaking of yours until now. Do you look like him?” Zack already knew he looked like his mother, after all.

                Scratching his chin, Zack nodded after a moment.

                “My dad’s actually a bit more ruggedly handsome version of myself – I know how could such a thing exist?”

                Cloud gently boxed his shoulder, prompting him to go on.

                “I look a lot like him, but I’ve got my mom’s eyes and personality. Ole Daddy and I got along well until I became a teenager – then we butted heads all the time.”

                Cloud had a hard time imagining Zack fighting with his family for some reason. “You did? Huh.”

                Zack looked like he wasn’t going to go on, or at least switch the conversation, but after a brief pause of studying him he seemed to shrug.

                “Want to know something I haven’t told anybody before?”

                “Anybody?”

                “Nope – you’ll be the first.”

                Surprised by how curious he was, Cloud asked, “What?”

                “I say ‘the day I turned fifteen I was out of there’ jokingly, but I’ve always been telling the truth. My dad was extremely against me joining Shinra. He wanted me to work the farm like his parents before him – but that wasn’t any kind of life for me and I told him as much. He tried to compromise with me – begging me to try it until I was seventeen and if by then I decided that wasn’t what I wanted he’d let me go – but I refused.”

                Looking rueful and somehow bemused at the same time, Zack said, “We got into a _huge_ fight. Huge~ one. We didn’t hit each other or anything, but he said some seriously nasty things to scare me – and they were scary – but I’ve never frightened easy or stopped because something scared me, y’know? So I said some inconsiderate things back at him, and he swore to never help me make it to Shinra – took the Gil he was going to give me on my fifteenth and threw it down a well.”

                At this Zack almost seemed bashful. “Well, being the little shit that I _was…_ When night came along I went down the well, added the Gil to what I’d already saved up and left – leaving a note behind only to my mother. I made the treck to Shinra with only a bag of necessities, the clothes on my back, and my winning personality. I haven’t seen or heard from my dad since that day.”

                Cloud felt his mouth open, shocked. “What!? Zack – but I’ve seen you writing at least one letter to your parents – it might have been some time ago, but I saw it was addressed to them.”

                “I’ve written fifty-seven of them since coming here – the majority in the last two years. You see, I became Angeal’s pupil barely a month after joining and he went on about honor, dreams – talked about family with such passion that well… I didn’t want him to not like me, so I would write letters for appearances sake and never send them. They were mostly me just prattling on about how cool Angeal was – yes I was a hero worshiping little shit like you are, ow – and a few mean remarks about my dad. I can say however that the letters weren’t snide for long – I knocked it off after, like, ten…or okay, like, fifteen.”

                “I don’t know why, but you running away from home sounds weird… You really haven’t contacted them once?” He said he left at fifteen, and he was nineteen now – that meant four years had gone by!

                Looking back at the paused game screen, Zack grinned slightly. “Well, twas _spite_ that kept me from sending anything home at first… Did I mention I was a little shit? Okay, good. Realistically though, my dad told me if I left for Shinra I would be disinherited.”

                Cloud blinked, slowly.

                “It means I’m not his son anymore. I have no rights to anything in his name.”

                “I know what it means,” even his voice sounded slow. “I just cannot imagine anyone being so angry at you – especially your father – that they’d threaten you with something like that.”

                “Oh, it wasn’t an idle threat – my dad kept his promises like I do. He swore to do it and I’ve never received a letter from him or mom, even after my name must have gotten into the papers back home. He also told me he’d never want to see my face again as long as I lived unless it was because I was bringing myself home bowed with shame…or in a ‘crate’ shipped back home. Well I may not quite be the little shit I used to be – but I’m still spiteful enough that I don’t want to bow my head to him, and I guess I’m too much of an escape artist to let death get me, y’know?”

                Cloud absorbed all of this quietly, sipping his drink. Zack surprised him by saying, “I’m doing it again, aren’t I? The thing where I put my foot in my mouth?” At his questioning look, Zack elaborated. “You just told me you never got to know your dad and here I am telling you I have the choice to see mine and I’m refusing to do it.”

                Shaking his head quickly, Cloud hurriedly said, “That isn’t it – I was just thinking. I want to tell you to make up with them – but if you haven’t done it, it’s because you probably don’t think you can… Though, I think you’re already trying to. You said you’d been writing them more often – you wouldn’t do that without a good reason. Besides, I told you my dad isn’t relevant – I can’t miss something I never had, only think about it sometimes… But I’m good. I hardly ever think of him anymore. I rarely did to begin with, and only then for my mom’s sake.”

                His speech seemed to take Zack off guard, but then the SOLDIER smiled awkwardly. “Oh, okay. I just thought I had messed up.”

                “You’ve got time to salvage your relationship Zack… If it’s still hard, I can’t blame you for putting it off.” Absently he realized his drink was empty and shook the can for something to do. After a moment, he started, “…if you don’t mind me asking though – why have you been writing more lately?”

                Zack took his own pause – likely arranging it in his head. “Well, once Angeal went away” Cloud couldn’t hide his look though he tried – he’d heard Zack mention Angeal namelessly before but Zack had _never_ talked about his departure – he closed up no matter who asked him. Now he was referring to him by name _and_ mentioning his abrupt parting. “I went through a lot of…inner turmoil, as I know you’re aware of. It’s was hard to keep distracted, but now I’ve gotten better with _dealing_ with it. I started to write to occupy my time and eventually I got into the hang of updating them when something came up – a rumor, a new lead, a bust – just anything. I couldn’t talk to anybody though I’d tried once or twice with someone, but I couldn’t manage to. Writing was a nice medium, and I guess since I knew the letters weren’t going anywhere I could be honest.”

                He looked at Cloud as he said, “Toward the final twelve or so they’ve focused more on me personally – kind of like a journal. The last two are more letter-like.”

                “So time…is helping?”

                “Time and something and another.”

                Cloud looked confused, but Zack waved it off. His wave almost touched the screen and his indigo eyes widened slightly and he laughed.

                “Me and my attention span… You were asking about this old thing weren’t you? Well, besides having a blast watching it and Angeal duel every weekend, Angeal liked to just…watch it. I’d sit on the couch with him talkin’ about how boring the shows were, and he’d just massage my scalp like some secretly trained masseuse as he watched. He didn’t tend to care what was on as long as something played. I probably annoyed him when I wouldn’t shut up about how silly it all looked – but he always brought me back with him. I miss a lot of things about him Cloud,” he said it easily, but Cloud felt how sincere his words were then. He let the conversation drift back without argument.

                “But I miss that especially. I guess I keep it because like him I’m turning into an old fart who has obligations to junk and sentimentalities. This was his first makovision bought with his own Gil, and I sort of inherited it afterwards.”     

                _After he left Shinra, or after he died?_ Cloud almost asked – wanting to know what happened to the man Zack cared so much about – but the question died in his throat. Zack was willing to share so much right now – he didn’t want to have it all cut away. For Cloud, knowing he knew something this important mystery man didn’t – somehow it held great power. Even if Zack hadn’t told Angeal about his dad in fear of his reaction, this was something else Cloud felt more pride in than what was reasonable.

                “I guess I _should_ get a new one, huh? Especially if I’m to enjoy revenge killing your avatar after the way you _cheated_ to bring upon my little guy’s untimely end.”

                Moving his pillow closer so that their knees touched, Cloud tried to play off how weirdly fast his heart was racing. “No, its fine – you should keep this one…” At Zack’s curious look, he elaborated with a shrug. “I mean, if you plan to just slowly kill my chocobo again and again, I’d rather the pixels be blurry.” They were talking about a bad graphics game involving gore, but it seemed heated now – something worth bonding over.

                Zack seemed to get what he was saying – _which is good because I’m not sure of what that is exactly_ – and smiled heartily again – much more vibrant than the fond looks he’d been throwing around while he talked about his past. They started the game again and Zack didn’t throw a comeback at Cloud as they intently tried to slaughter each other, but Cloud noticed when Zack scooted closer, putting them hip-to-hip.

                He wisely didn’t say a word.

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is more to this story than these three chapters, but I might just end it here or do some rewriting on the next few chapters. I'd like to hear your comments on if it should go on with this one or keep it how it is so far.


	4. Currents IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud decides if he and Zack aren’t going to stop because they don’t want to be without each other, then he’s got to be brave and try something he never expected to do with a man. Very virgin Cloud gets a learning experience – Zack teaches him he doesn’t need to worry about a man’s touch – as long as that touch is his.

                Cloud wouldn’t say the words, but he’d figured it out. He thought of Zack constantly now and without planning it with each other anymore – they’d begun spending as much time together as they could. It almost seemed greedy and sort of desperate, like they were running out of time – despite that being what they seemed to have in abundance.

                Cloud wasn’t exactly sure how long ago That Time happened – four months maybe? He’d turned sixteen several weeks ago, and the SOLDIER exam was only twenty-eight days away. It filled him with dread and awe thinking about it – he was decades more prepared than last time but still he worried he’d fail…and yet he dreamed he’d become SOLDIER.

                He’d talked about it extensively with Zack – to the point he should have annoyed his friend but didn’t. Zack talked about a whole lot too – more stories of him and Angeal and some about living in Gongaga. He didn’t exaggerate his exploits as a SOLDIER – as much anyway – but he told and retold some of Cloud’s favorite stories, even indulging in ones that involved the General. Cloud wondered why he rolled his eyes at those?

                Anyway, looking back – it felt like a year had gone by in such a short time. Where once it was awkward to touch, now it felt weird not to. He wasn’t sure when everything flipped, but he couldn’t lie – no he wouldn’t lie – he liked the changes coming from it. There were times he still got wary Zack would make a move – but…

                Mostly he just wondered if he _would_. He didn’t lie to himself any longer – he knew why Zack had done it – even though it was the reason that didn’t make sense. Zack loved him; he certainly acted like it – to the point Cloud was forced to face it. He didn’t get _why_ though. He wasn’t SOLDIER or at least he wasn’t yet, and Zack had other close friends who were attractive enough if the ravenette was into guys – which he must have been to do what he did That Time.

                But, assured of Zack’s feelings, if not baffled by them – that left Cloud to sort through his own. He definitely liked and enjoyed Zack’s company, liked what he’d felt Zack do to him, and he often found himself thinking of their kiss. It was all _great_ – but Cloud couldn’t help but wonder if he was willing to sacrifice himself for the sake of _more_.

                As Zack proved they could remain friends afterwards, Cloud was left trying to gather advice without giving anything away. It wasn’t unheard of for men to be together but it seemed frowned on at least – attacked at the most. If they went further no one could know about it; Cloud eventually decided that was fine with him. He wasn’t a ‘public display of affection’ guy to begin with.

                What worried him and had him stressed was more the thought of him and Zack in bed than anything outside of the bedroom. The SOLDIER had already taken the initiative, and Cloud was _freaked_. He wasn’t going to pretend he wasn’t. He didn’t like the thought of someone having power over him and making him feel vulnerable. It was logical that if guys got together romantically then they had sex together, and Cloud knew from the harsh jokes sometimes told about penetration then Zack would want to…

                Thinking about it alone made him want to wince. He knew trying to _not_ think about it wasn’t working – it was all he thought about with or _without_ Zack’s company. As the days went by he felt more pressured to make a decision even though Zack wasn’t the one pressuring – Cloud was doing it to himself.

                His last straw of patience broke when Zack pulled him into his lap that evening. They’d grown accustomed to sitting on pillows or sometimes – like they’d been doing – Cloud sitting between Zack’s legs on the pillow playing the game around each other’s arms – and _yes_ cheating and elbowing like crazy.

                Being _on_ Zack’s lap though… This was different. He wasn’t ever unaware of how strong and built Zack was but right then Zack’s body came into high definition. How warm his skin was, how strong his arms were – how right, uh, tight his lap was. Zack wasn’t even hard or trying to fluster him – too intent on trying not to fall off the arena in the game to even see how flushed Cloud’s face had become.

                Cloud decided enough was enough. He was tired of feeling like this – so unsure and wanting more of something that honestly terrified him. Going any further without finally talking it out – it was only going to make it hurt more in the end if Cloud told Zack he didn’t think this was something he could do.

                “Zack…”

                His friend was very into the game but sent him a puzzled look as Cloud’s avatar refused to dodge any of his attacks or jump to avoid the rolling barrels in the game. He paused it and glanced down, resting his chin on Cloud’s hair. It was probably for the best he moved for this, and so more reluctant than he cared to admit, he moved to sit in front of Zack, crossing his legs.

                “What’s up?”

                Zack looked genuinely baffled – clearly caught off guard by his sudden change in mood. Swallowing and working up the nerve, Cloud said, “We need to talk.”

                “Alright. Shoot.”

                Sometimes Zack was a little too amiable. Resisting a sigh, he clarified, “Really talk. About…us.”

                Zack’s eyes lit up slight with understanding – some worry, but mostly apprehension. It seemed he’d been waiting for this too – but as soon as Cloud thought that he realized how stupid he was being.

                _Of course he’s been waiting for this. He’s liked me a longer than I’ve liked him._ Cloud found himself amazed Zack had been able to keep it together if he felt anything like Cloud did now. _Though I guess That Time might have been him losing control… Still if I wasn’t so terrified, I’d probably have confronted him already and done something myself._

“Cloud? You okay? You’re just staring at me.”

                He halfheartedly raised the controller.

                “You want to…just keep playing?”

                Zack was more merciful than Cloud had been – already offering him an out. He was tempted to take it, very temped to, but he wanted to just get it out and over with.

                “No, no I don’t… Um… Zack you, you love me right?”

                It felt so awkward to say it out loud – like he was _making an assumption_ – but Zack didn’t even pause to consider the question.

                “Yes.”

                Frazzled slightly from the quick reply, he swallowed and croaked, “Why?”

                Crossing his own legs, still apprehensive but hopeful, Zack explained, “I just…fell in love with you a little at a time. You’d do something obnoxiously cute – never realizing it – and I’d love it. You’d get unreasonably or okay, sometimes reasonably upset – and I just love the way your gaze gets really intense when you’re mad. I like your voice and your smell – I love hearing you say my name, and I love the fact you’ve sprayed my cologne on secretly.”

                Cloud flushed, opening his mouth to disagree before closing his lips tightly. Zack winked. “SOLDIER nose, and all. I’ve been leaving it out when you come over ‘cause I knew you’d be too embarrassed and adorable to ask.”

                Unable to form words, he looked away. Zack kindly took the reins, asking, “Do you think it’s strange because were both guys?”

                He was cutting to the core of the problem, then. Cloud decided if Zack was going to be honest then so would he. Without sugar coating it, Cloud nodded. “Yes.”

                Not looking peeved or even surprised, Zack scratched his cheek. “I could tell you about people I know who have this sort of relationship…but that doesn’t really matter. I could say its fine to feel this way, but since you do – you’re probably trying to tell yourself that already… What I’m going to say is this: it’s okay to be confused.”

                At Cloud’s perplexed frown, Zack went on.

                “I like girls. I like their fair skin, their long hair, their kissable lips and the perfumes they wear.” Cloud felt more flustered to hear this – how was he supposed to respond to the sudden declaration of hetero after what Zack had just claimed beforehand!? After what he’d _done_? Zack didn’t seem to want a response, however.

                “That’s me – a lady’s man. I know people just like me who like women but don’t date them. I know people who hate women and date them. I personally value how lovely they are – won’t say they can’t get me up in the morning, if you know what I mean… But, I know _who_ I am. I’ve tried women, and let me tell you – they can be fun, but for me? I want to be with a guy – but not just anyone. I only want a certain someone.”

                Torn several different ways over Zack’s statement, he didn’t know how to answer it. Zack again proved how kind he was.

                “You on the other hand… I’m the closest thing you’ve had to being with a guy, and you’ve never fooled around with a girl, have you?”

                Shaking his head, Cloud couldn’t quite keep the shamed blush off his face.

                “You don’t have to be embarrassed about it. Maybe I’m not one to talk considering I wasn’t _technically_ sixteen the first time I had sex – but… It’s fine to want to wait – to choose to do that.”

                Cloud almost felt led on by that statement, but chose not to ask. Instead he sighed and looked down – he wasn’t even surprised their knees were touching.

                “Then what should I do?”

                “I can’t answer that for you, Chocobo.” The nickname was purely endearment – not patronizing. “You could…” Zack took a deep breath and then let it out. “You could find a girl you like and…try.” Cloud looked at him, baffled. “I’ll wait for you if you really want to try the fairer sex out.” He was smiling, but by now Cloud knew Zack’s looks better than his own. There wasn’t anything easy about it. Actually, he seemed terrified of his own suggestion.

                “Or?”

                He was hoping Zack would have a different reply – even had a guess as to what it was – and he wasn’t disappointed when Zack spoke again.

                “Or we could sleep together and see where it takes us. It doesn’t have to be now if you aren’t ready – like I said, I’ll wait.”

                It was down to the wire, truth or chicken out. Cloud took a deep breath and continued with the flow of the conversation – keeping things blunt.

                “I’m afraid.”

                Zack gave him a bewildered look.

                “Of what?” Cloud didn’t explain and simply waited, gripping his knees. After a few moments Zack’s eyes lit up with understanding.

                “Of…sex?”

                “That’s not what...” Cloud sighed uneasily. “I feel like I’d be less nervous if I was with a girl, but I don’t want...somebody else.” _I want you._ It was close enough to the synonyms he wanted to use. Zack looked relieved at his admission. Actually his openly expressive relief made Cloud almost pity him.

                “Thank Gaia… But what are you afraid of?”

                An apparently very dry look was all Zack needed before his eyes widened in understanding.

                “Oh… Penetration?”

                A single nod. Cloud watched Zack think for several moments, gently tapping one of his socked covered feet under his knee – unlike Cloud he didn’t seem nearly as embarrassed or worked up over the conversation.

                “I wouldn’t hurt you, y’know.”

                Cloud must have looked far less distrusting than even he’d meant to, because Zack looked wounded. “Really – I’d do my very best to prepare you. I wouldn’t just stick it in like an inconsiderate asshole.”

                Cloud blushed, then scowled. “You promise?” The severity in his voice took Zack by surprise. “Of course!” As soon as the promise was made, Zack blanched.

                “Wait, was _this_ the reason for hesitating so much?”

                “Look, I get the basics of what s-sex would imply okay, and it sounds painful. I- I don’t think I can commit to anything if it’s going to hurt. I don’t like the idea.” _How come he isn’t as flustered about this as I am!_

                Relieved beyond words, Zack grinned.

                “Cloud, you don’t have anything to worry about. I know what I’m doing. In this regard, you should be happy you have an experienced lover like me!”

                ‘Lover’ made Cloud’s face burn worse, and he tried to hide half of it under his bang. “You – if it doesn’t work out, we can still…be friends right?” That was another burning fear he had. What if trying this next step destroyed whatever progress they’d painstakingly made? When he didn’t get an answer he looked up and saw Zack lean in to gently kiss him.

                “Cloud, we’ll always be friends.”

                Cloud hadn’t had much time in his life to practice kissing and awkwardly made an attempt. There were more things they needed to say – but Cloud just wanted to move on. It was pointless to talk about things they hadn’t at least attempted before worrying about them. Zack was trying to make that abundantly clear.

                When Zack leaned back, he was cringing. “What?” Cloud felt instantly defensive. Smiling with an almost bashful expression Zack moved to pull him closer and cup his chin. “Cloud Strife, that kissed sucked.” Blanching at his forwardness, Cloud growled, “You ass!”

                “Practice makes perfect, so let’s try again.” Before Cloud could tell him _no way asshole_ Zack’s lips were on his again – more firmly and a bit more demanding. This one was better – felt more realistic. Zack pulled away, looking much more pleased with their progress.

                “Getting better!”

                When he tried to push them apart, Cloud frowned. “What are you doing?” Looking surprised, Zack said, “Uh, well um, Cloud…”

                “We can keep going.” Zack looked at him skeptically. “Keep going? Are you…sure?” Squeezing Zack’s shirt, he nodded firmly. “If I don’t like it… It’ll only hurt worse afterward if we…prolong this.” Zack looked somber at the aspect but after a moment nodded and stood up. Unsurely, Cloud let Zack take his hand and help him up.

                “What are we doing?”

                “Going to my bedroom… I’m not going to take you out here on the floor.”

                Biting his bottom lip, Cloud followed Zack and was surprised when he turned the hallway light on. They went into the bedroom, and he shut off the bedroom light – but propped the door wide open. He must have been watching intently because Zack answered without glancing over at him.

                “I want you to see…and know you can leave at any time.”

                Cloud wanted to assure him he felt safe with the SOLDIER but held off. Zack was obviously doing this for his benefit and Cloud appreciated the offer. Inside the room, Zack turned to him – carefully looking him over.

                “I thought of hundreds of ways I wanted to do this… But this is so new to you it’s probably better if you lead.”

                When Cloud prompted him with a look, Zack gently said, “Let’s undress – take off whatever you feel comfortable removing and we’ll start from there.” Cloud paused – caught with cold feet – but Zack slipped his shirt off smoothly and easily over his head. It was only the SOLDIER’s chest – but for him it was a bit more. He wanted to have that himself some day and running away seemed…childish.

                He carefully removed his shirt, laying it down on the floor with a bit more care than Zack. Then watched, with some amusement, as Zack undid both belts keeping his pants on. “What’s with that look?”

                Shaking his head, Cloud undressed – being brave and stripping down to his boxers alongside Zack. After that he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do. Zack went and sat on the bed and cajoled him to come closer – Cloud complied and yelped slightly when Zack tugged him down to sit in his lap. He was stricken with the thought of being entered, but rationalized it would be impossible with both of them still wearing their undergarments.

                “Relax, Spike. This is just another game – two player. We’ll set the difficulty on easy, beginner level stuff. We’ll progress together, eh?” Zack’s easy fire suggestion made Cloud laugh and some of the tightness in his muscles relaxed.

                “Okay.”

                It became second nature to follow Zack’s example. He placed his warm hands on Cloud’s sides and rubbed soothing circles, massaging his thumbs upward and pressing his fingers into skin. The exploratory touches were gentle and nothing rash – Cloud followed his lead, trailing his hands down Zack’s body.

                _I wish my hands weren’t so cold… He probably does too._

As he traced his slim fingers over Zack’s collarbone, Cloud’s eyes widened. _He’s really…amazing. I want… I want to have a body like this. Muscular, strong – handsome…_

He was startled as Zack’s tongue tickled his neck, before teeth gently grazed over his skin. Shivering, he closed his eyes gently as he exposed his neck – it was good enough to want more.

                “You won’t regret this later will you?”

                “I… I’m leaving that up to you.”

                It was more trust than he was willing to put into anyone else. Zack seemed strengthened with resolve by his admission if anything.

                “Alright.”

                He moved them, shifting to put Cloud underneath him and to crouch over him. It was enough to set him on edge again but Zack didn’t make any sudden advances. He continued to kiss and suck and gently bite Cloud’s neck, and eagerly welcomed any touches Cloud offered.

                Underneath Zack’s body, as the minutes ticked by his courage grew. He slipped his hand down the hard curves of Zack’s contoured stomach and slowly moved to the waist band on his briefs. He could see the tent starting to harden and Cloud took a deep breath before slipping them down.

                He didn’t know what he was expecting, but he was strangely calm seeing it. It was bigger than him, wider too – and had dark pelvis hairs. Almost on autopilot, he took it into his palm and slowly stroked it – slightly amazed to feel Zack’s cock react to the touch and grow in his hand. It was almost dizzying to have this kind of power over someone.

                “Oh, Cloud… That feels good.”

                Swallowing, Cloud felt one of Zack’s hands slowly caress down his body to start rubbing his inner thighs. The SOLDIER’s hand crept along underneath the briefs to touch pelvis hair, then slowly dragged back out lightly scraping nails across sensitive skin. It felt arousing, ticklish, and somehow juvenile despite its intimate attempt.

                “That feel good?”

                Zack didn’t need to ask – his near touches were obviously making Cloud poke him in the thigh. He merely nodded wordlessly. As things tended to progress Cloud did something out of curiosity, he gave Zack’s cock a few firmer strokes before rubbing his thumb over the head. If Zack’s happy sigh was anything to go by, he enjoyed it.

                Eventually Zack slid his boxers off so Cloud wouldn’t have to keep pulling them down – Cloud steadily giving him a hand job without pausing as he watched him move and lift his legs, bending to accomplish it. Zack’s mouth never stopped either. When he had to bend back to slip them under his knees, he sucked at Cloud’s belly button, licking teasingly lightly in and out. When he crawled back over he finally kissed Cloud’s mouth – something the blonde hadn’t even known he’d been waiting for.

                He didn’t watch his own boxers get taken off, but he enjoyed the feeling of Zack’s hand around his erection in return for the favor. “Cloud… Do you want me to make you cum before we move on, or can you hold out…?” Cloud took a moment to breathe before deciding, “I want – I want to be hard when you… I don’t know if I can take it otherwise.”

                With a nod, Zack moved to play with one of his ears, breathing hot air into it before whispering, “I’m going to kick it up to the next level if you’re willing… Your hand feels so good you’ll make me cum at this rate.” The words were more arousing than they had the right to be, and Cloud reclined his head back to watch Zack stretch over to dig in the nightstand table beside the bed. After a soft curse or two and a reach and grab, Zack withdrew a bottle of clear liquid. He almost thought it was water and was going to assure Zack he wasn’t thirsty before Zack set it down beside him.

                “Raise your legs, here – like this.” Cloud let Zack hike one of his legs up to rest his ankle over Zack’s shoulder – being on his back with Zack on his knees in front of him made the position easy. He watched as Zack opened the cap and noticing his look, say, “Lube, so it’s easier.” Cloud must have looked doubtful because Zack’s eyebrows raised – followed by clarity.

                “No wonder you thought it was going to hurt like hell. Here, just watch Cloudy.” Cloud did watch – carefully studying Zack as he squirted a quarter splosh onto his fingers. Now he saw it was definitely liquid – but had some slight semblance to a weak gel. He flinched when wet fingers pressed against him.

                “Don’t be scared – I’m going to take care of you. Remember?” Zack looked so happy and yet so serious the blonde grunt found himself at least trying to relax again. “I’m going to put a finger in now so you can get used to the feeling okay? It shouldn’t hurt – just feel a little odd.”

                The explanation made things easier – Cloud twitched after watching Zack lather his fingers and then bring his hand down again. Cloud started stroking Zack off again – if just to give him something to do besides squirm at the feeling of a finger digging inside of him. _I didn’t know about this… I would have freaked out if he hadn’t said anything._

Before long, Zack warned, “I’m going to add another. This might be a bit uncomfortable – but you’ll get used to it okay?” With a deep breath in and then out, Cloud nodded. “Go for it.” Zack was right – almost at once it felt uncomfortable and he grimaced – squirming as the feeling refused to go away right after.

                “You’re really tight.” If he was going to follow it up with something he didn’t – instead he just diligently continued making use of his fingers inside Cloud’s body. He paused every now and again to close his eyes and sigh, evidently turned on enough by Cloud’s hand job to need a minute.

                Cloud liked the way Zack twitched in his hand and thickened – couldn’t help but trace the barely visible veins. He wanted to ask if he could just do this – could just stroke him off. He’d even be more than willing to suck Zack like he’d done to Cloud if it meant getting Zack’s fingers out of him and saving him from this fat thing entering his body.

                Zack spoke up before he could however – looking slightly dismayed. “I’m going to add a third finger in, Cloudy. It’ll probably hurt a little now.” Cloud couldn’t hide his look of worry, asking, “How much is a ‘little?’” Instead of answering Zack pulled Cloud’s hand away from his cock and settled it on his knee. “Just don’t tense or it’ll be more difficult. You’re doing great. Squeeze me here if the pain is tight for a moment.” He didn’t really know what Zack meant but gave a shaky okay.

                Three fingers slid inside and Cloud hissed, “Ow!” Zack moved his other hand to Cloud’s cock and pumped it with slow and firm strokes – trying to stimulate him but not bring him to climax. “Ah, Zack, I can’t – it feels weird!” Bending down to gently nuzzle Cloud’s cheek while his fingers still worked inside of him, he whispered, “It’s alright baby. Try to bare it a little longer. In under the next few minutes this will all start feeling worth it – I swear.”

                Cloud continued to ride out the next two minutes uncomfortably, watching Zack’s fingers stretch his anus open and trying to enjoy Zack’s strong hand pumping his cock. It was a good distraction. When Cloud felt and saw Zack’s hand withdraw he sighed happily, but quickly remembered what came next. He sat up immediately.

                “Zack, I’m scared.” He hadn’t wanted to say it – but he was. A few kisses and strokes had him unhappily lying back against the sheets, pouting. He lifted his leg again, then the other when Zack pushed it up. Cloud yelped when slick wetness slithered beneath his balls to slide their way down to and inside his rectum. Zack had dumped some more lube, and was currently coating his hand with it and rubbing his cock.

                “This stuff works really well, trust me.”

                Still uneasy but accepting his role at this point, Cloud clutched the back of his knees like Zack asked him to. Zack paused to admire him for some time – slowly stroking himself. “Zack?”

                With a shake, indigo eyes focused again and he moved Cloud to let his legs rest on Zack’s hips and suggested Cloud clutch the SOLDIER’s knees again. “Why like this?”

                Bluntly, Zack said, “You looked too hot how you were… I was afraid I’d never make inside. Besides, you can squeeze when it’s okay to slide further in.”

                “Slide further?”

                “Yes. Here comes the last part before the pleasure, alright? I’m going to put the head inside – I won’t go further until you tell me. I’ll move an inch at a time until you’ve adjusted.”

                Cloud hesitantly asked, “Will it hurt?” He knew it would, but craved another assurance. “It will, but I’ll do whatever I can to make it be as gentle for you as possible. Remember, I’ll stop whenever you say to.”

                With one final deep breath, he said, “Okay… Okay. I’m ready.”

                Watching himself get entered was a strange experience. As the head disappeared from view he was aware of the invasive stretch inside out. He grimaced, gritting his teeth. “You okay?” He was – he could take this. “Alright, I’ll move in a moment. Just take it in nice and slowly okay – don’t tense up.”

                Trying to obey, he shut his eyes as Zack moved in. He could handle it near silently until Zack was halfway in, then his control broke. “Zack, this hurts!” With a kiss to his brows and down his nose, Zack withdrew until only the head remained and stayed still. Cloud wanted it all out of him but didn’t tell him to stop as he slowly pushed his way back in.

                Almost in amazement, he marveled as Zack’s cock didn’t pause until it reached where it had been. “Any better yet Cloudy?” Dumbly, he nodded. Relieved, Zack urged on further – carefully watching until Cloud started to wince and then withdrawing. He’d push back after several seconds and Cloud found the process working – his body was accepting Zack’s intrusion little by little.

                When he was almost all seated, Zack brushed something that almost made Cloud hurt himself. He whimpered and twitched – eyes widened in shock. Zack stopped at once – afraid he’d done something wrong. It took a few blinks before Cloud stuttered, “You hit something weird…” A slight frown, before: “Ah. That must be where it is.”

                A few sentences later, and Cloud knew what to call the weird place Zack had skimmed. “Try not to hit it again.” Zack actually laughed. “You’ll want me to in a minute. Once you adjust.” Confused, he asked, “You can go further first.” His friend only grinned, and it wasn’t until he’d looked down he realized Zack’s pelvis was firmly against his own – he’d already come full inside and held steady while explaining his prostate.

                The next few minutes were a blur – Zack started slowing thrusting in and out of him while Cloud clutched the sheets under him, staring up in confusion – unsure if he liked or didn’t like the feeling. Then Zack hit that place again and Cloud bucked. Zack almost hissed his name at the dazed look he received.

                Hardly long after, Cloud was sucking Zack’s tongue as his friend – his lover’s – thrusts picked up. The pain had faded away and every time Zack hit him just right or even rubbed up against the gland, Cloud moaned into the kiss. It was still weird and strange and new – but it was quickly turning into something he liked.

                He grew vocal as the feelings continued getting better and tried to muffle his moans, but Zack eventually moved to braid their fingers together and lock Cloud’s hands beside his head. Zack’s reassuring grip only seemed to increase his heart rate – which Cloud didn’t understand. When Zack let go to move his hands along his body again and stroke him, Cloud writhed against the bed.

                Just when he thought Zack’s stroking and fucking might make him cum, Zack let go and moved his hands to his hips to lift him – Cloud groaned as Zack left him – not from pain but from an aching neediness. “Hold on,” was the grunt as Zack moved to sit on the edge of the bed, Cloud astride his lap. With hurried movements from both, Cloud sank back down and gasped. The angle was different, and Cloud almost passed out as it lined up perfectly with something he hadn’t even known existed before today.

                His arms circled around Zack’s biceps with his fingers digging into shoulder blades as Zack guided his hips – helping him roll and find a good way to use his knees as a bounce board. “You like this, Cloudy?” He’d been made wordless multiple times tonight, but never for a reason like this. This time he could only nod as Zack seemingly broke him with each thrust – but yet never hurt him in the slightest.

                He reached his peak fast, held on edge by fear of getting off to quickly and lack of touching. Finally, he whimpered that he couldn’t take anymore and Zack sucked harder along his neck, promising _soon._ Soon almost didn’t come fast enough – Zack moved quicker the last minute, bringing Cloud up and down instead of guiding him. Finally, he let go once satisfied Cloud could shakenly do it himself and with quick strokes unlike his earlier one stroked Cloud off and watched the entire thing – grunting as he felt Cloud clench, knowingly sharing just how good he felt. He wanted to cum but tried to hold off – in his eagerness he’d forgotten to put a condom on and didn’t want to burden Cloud – but in the end, his body just reacted keenly to Cloud’s orgasm, following suit before he could pull out.

                Cloud clutched at him desperately, so vulnerable and vibrant that Zack couldn’t resist taking his breath away with another kiss, intently watching even through his own blast off.

                Afterward, exhausted, Cloud laid beside him in bed and Zack caressed his face. He mumbled something a few times but was too tired to speak up. As he drifted off, Zack knew if he wanted to be an attentive lover he needed to get up and clean them up a bit – like Angeal used to do.

                Thoughts of Angeal after sex gave him mixed feelings, but looking at Cloud put him at ease. A year and a half had gone by since they’d last met in secret – there was no telling if he’d lived or died with his friend. If he still hadn’t come back after devastatingly leaving him behind –

…Zack wasn’t going to agonize silently over it any longer. He didn’t know what he’d do if Angeal ended up being alive, but he knew he wasn’t going to give Cloud up. Not after what they’d finally done.

                Closing his eyes, he breathed in Cloud’s lovely scent – even the new ones. He spoke quietly as he drifted off, refusing to untuck from Cloud’s side to clean them up. Cloud would forgive him.

                “I hope your well, ‘Geal… I’d like you to meet someone if you’re still alive. I think…you’d like them.” To Cloud, he murmured, “We both did a good job, if I say so myself… I’m so glad we can finally…do this.”

                The silence in the room wasn’t lonely at all, and Zack quickly fell asleep tucking his arm around Cloud’s body and pulling him close. Having him in his arms – not as a best friend but a lover – it was an indescribable feeling.

                He slept better that night than he could ever remember sleeping.

                They both did.


End file.
